Smoke on the water

January 7th, 2006 — Wordman

In one of my first posts, I suggested a viking-themed Las Vegas resort. Having just been back to sin city for the winter solstice, I’m even more enthusiastic about this idea, especially after a suggestion from my uncle (the same uncle that inspired one of my architecture papers over a decade ago).

Being told of my viking hotel idea, his immediate response was “it could host viking funerals.”

Vegas is already a wedding destination. I bet there are enough people that would pay to have their remains burned in a wooden barge on the resort’s artificial lake. The lake would have to be set up with a horizon, perhaps a falls into a bit that explodes into a massive inferno when the ship falls in (this is Vegas, after all). There would be a big feast of course; it would be an all-inclusive funeral package.

I think it would start a new “destination funeral” trend. First in Las Vegas (think of how much the Luxor could make doing pharaonic embalmings and entombments), then elsewhere (maybe zombie funerals in Haiti).

An idea whose time has come

December 18th, 2004 — Wordman

Being in Las Vegas recently got me thinking about theme hotels. It may be time for a Viking themed resort. Call it Valhalla. You could advertise almost exclusively in the north-central US to get your initial client base (and perhaps New England and St. Petersberg). The hotel could be a mix of modern Scandinavian influence and Viking history. It should feature at least the following:

  • Main tower of hotel built around Yggdrasil, the world tree. Lobby would represent Midgard, with standard rooms (Vanaheim), lesser suites (Ljossalfheim) and master suites (Asgard) above.
  • In-between the lobby and Vanaheim would be the Muspelheim spa, the largest collection of sauna, steam rooms, hot tubs, mud baths all lit by flows of “lava”.
  • Beneath the lobby would be Nifelheim, any icy playground, with ice rinks (including the world’s first x-treme ice rink), pools with slides that look like ice, frozen gateways to restaurants, a passage to Jötunheim mall, more hot tubs, etc.
  • Casino space, with Svartalfheim as the main casino and Hel as the high rollers section. Hel might also hold the nightclub.
  • Naturally, guys with horned helmets at the door and fur bikini wearing cocktail waitress.
  • Shopping mall with animitronic display in central courtyard featuring Erik the Red kicking Columbus’ ass every fifteen minutes.
  • All you can eat lutfisk bar.
  • Something to do with Nokia and/or Ericsson.
  • On the Migard level, a $5 entry buffet held in a large stone room with a central fire, common tables and huge hunks of meat.
  • A networked VR room, where you can take place in daily reenactments of Hoskuld and Tyri’s attempt to sack Constantinople in 860. While this force was turned back (by either a big storm, the Virgin Mary or a massive bribe), had it succeeded, it easily could have catapulted Scandinavia to be the dominant civilization of the world for centuries.
  • Guests can participate in occasional, late night raids in longboats across the dancing waters of the Bellagio to sack the Picasso Restaurant.
  • Ragnarok enacted every hour, on the hour.