Easter turducken

Most traditional holidays are syncretised perversions of even older traditions, which then get secularized into excuses to eat a whole bunch. Christmas falls, not coincidentally, close to the winter solstice, and borrows heavily from earlier winter festivals, featuring lots of gingerbread, candy canes, traditional hams and large family feasts. Thanksgiving, being largely a continuation of post-harvest feasts in Europe, has always been about eating. We have, of course, taken this to ridiculous extremes with turducken, a Thanksgiving dish prepared by…

…cramming a boneless chicken into a boneless duck, which is stuffed into a boneless turkey. Three kinds of stuffing are layered between the three kinds of meat and the monstrosity is cooked for a very long time. The end result, when cut, is a fantastic food rainbow that must be eaten to be believed.

Easter, which may or may not have been named after a pagan fertility goddess, falls conveniently close to the spring equinox, allowing the syncresis of rabbits, eggs and the rebirth of nature into a ritual about the slaughter and rebirth of God. Easter also now has been subverted into being about eating, though hasn’t yet been taken to the extremes of Thanksgiving turducken.

Until now.

Making Easter turducken is, fortunately, much easier than a traditional turducken, as it abandons all that pesky protein while fully embracing the empty carbohydrates and fat. While technically Easter turducken is a dessert and traditional turducken a main course, they should never be consumed in the same meal. That would be heresy.

As with traditional turducken, Easter turducken starts from the inside out. The core is formed with miniature Cadbury cream eggs:

Take an ordinary peep and make a large slit in the bottom, as deep as possible without going all the way through:

Stuff an egg into the slit, stretch the sides around it, and fold the peep’s tail down. Repeat with a few more peeps.

The outer layer finally makes good use of one of the more odious culinary travesties, the irritating hollow bunny. As a kid, nothing was more annoying that thinking you’d been given a huge block of chocolate, and it turns out to be empty. To get the egg-stuffed peep goodness into this abomination, first you must open the bottom. Anything worth doing is worth doing with power tools, so take a dremel and cut around the perimeter of the bottom:

Once the hole is made, stuff the now egg-bloated peeps into the bunny. Note that some hollow bunnies suck even more than others, and crack and fall apart really easily, so be careful. Once you’re done, put the bottom back on. The really ambitious might try re-melting the seam in the bottom closed with a crème brûlée torch.

Voilà, the loathsome hollow bunny is transformed into several thousand calories, as God intended. Many children wonder around Easter how it is that bunnies lay eggs. As a side benefit, Easter turducken illustrates clearly that this “theory” is wrong. Obviously bunnies lay chickens, which then lay the eggs. Mystery solved.

Now fully prepared, the Easter turducken can be eaten. There is probably some kind of psychological test about what part of the bunny you eat first. I always go for the neck. Since it is held together only by a cheap-ass hollow bunny, once you start eating your turducken, it will collapse rapidly. Be prepared for a mess.

Yummy. A guess at the nutrition information for a three peep turducken:

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size:
  1 Easter turducken • 98g

Amount Per Serving
Calories  456 Calories from Fat  158
% DV*
Total Fat  18g 27%
    Saturated Fat  11g 44%
    Trans Fat  0g  
Cholesterol < 15mg 4%
Sodium  74mg 4%
Total Carbohydrate  70g 24%
    Dietary Fiber  0g 0%
    Sugars  65g  
Protein  6g 11%

Enjoy your Easter turducken. And bring lots of paper towels. And maybe a bib. Let me know how your own turn out.

90 Responses to “Easter turducken”

1Boca Jan Says:

What a great idea! Why haven’t I thought of that. Heck, jelly beans always seem to add something, however, I think I’ll go with the chocolate…..yum, chocolate.

2Jo in Scotland Says:

This is fantastic. I had hoped to avoid any hollow chocolate rabbits or eggs, but now I know what to do if I receive one….

3sama Says:

You are truly, one, mentally ill individual. I love it.

BTW, it’s spelled “ridiculous”, derived from “ridicule.”

[Editor’s note: TextMate’s spell checker sucks.]

4VorFemme Says:

If your Easter leaves you with the need to be anesthetized – take one hollow chocolate bunny (a good one – no leaky holes – you’ll be drinking from it) and bite its ears off (hey, it wasn’t a good day – get even). Now – mix Kahlua ™, milk, and Coco-Cola ™ to a pleasing taste. Pour this into the bunny. Add a straw. Paper umbrellas are optional. Sip slowly while contemplating your day. Does it still seem so bad? When empty – eat bunny…..day should seem a little brighter now.

This has been named the “Bunny Foo-Foo” – don’t knock any field mice over the head. Don’t drive either. A blue fairy might turn you into a goon. Or at least put you in the drunk tank with some goons. Stay home. Have another Peep ™ or two.

5dmw Says:

It is my plicy to avoid ingesting foods that contain the letter sequence “turd.”

6Stephen Colbert Says:

I see that the War on Easter marches on.

Giant steak knives and dremels cutting up cute little bunnies and peeps makes Jesus cry.

So sad.

Looks like the terrorists have finally won.

(sniff, followed by a solitary tear rolling down my manly cheek)

7bunny Says:

You don’t need a brulee torch to reseal the bunny. Hot water on a fingertip will usually do it. Get the cut surface and smooth the seam visible on the outside. Not a very strong weld, but it’ll generally hold well enough.

8AW Says:

Would this not be a bunpeeegg? This would avoid dmw’s issue with t-u-r-d, but I guess it is replaced with potentially off-putting letter sequence.

9Steph Says:

I am impressed with the relatively healthy turducken! who knew such a thing could almost be good for you!

10Sonja Says:

Awesome. Way awesome. I’m too lazy to actually make one, but it’s still way awesome.

11Allen K. Says:

Even on Saturday?

12Allen K. Says:

(That was a comment on dmw’s plicy.)

13Adam Says:

I worry about someone named “Bunny” posting repair instructions for other bunnies. If it was Dr. Bunny it would be ok.

14rich Says:

Trans Fat 0g, I like that.

15belhoste Says:

carving knives, dremels and torches – oh my! Any recipe that calls for those kinds of tools to make it is definitely worth a try.

16Jim H. Says:

Two words for this idea:

Demented Genius.

17Swampdog Says:

My wife suggested the name “eggpeepny” for this treat.

18melissa Says:

I think this is something that I am going to have to try!

19Erica Says:

You’re evilllll… 😉 The best part is that it actually has fewer mg of salt than it has calories, a rule of thumb for moderate salt diets. Not that a turducken is in any way, shape, or form moderate. :) :) :)

20lil brown bat Says:

At the risk of gilding the lily, might I suggest inserting a jelly bean into each Cadbury egg prior to peepification? It’s ambitious and it’s over the top, I know, but…

21Mur Says:

Of course, it’s been done (partly): http://www.candywarehouse.com/peepseggs.html

22ferret Says:

I witnessed a masterpiece of demented Easter candy tomfoolery — many years ago a friend (call him Abe) bought a dozen chocolate Easter bunnies on clearance, then proceeded to send terroristic demand letters to another friend (call him Ben) of ours (this was before 9/11) in broken, ranting English threatening dire harm to one of Ben’s bunnies for each week that Abe’s demands were not met. Each letter contained photographs of the poor bunnies, and each week there was a letter detailing the horrible demise of one of the bunnies, along with photo documentation. The ends chosen for the bunnies were clever, demented, twisted, hilarious — often all at once.

Ben had no idea who was sending him the letters, had no prior association with the bunnies, or anything.

To top it all off, Abe took the extra step of mailing the letters to a confederate in another state, to be remailed to Ben, adding to the mystery.

After the last bunny was killed, Abe revealed his identity and gave Ben a gift of copies of all the correspondence in large srapbooks.

In case you get bored stuffing Easter candy …

23Katie 80 Says:

Holy god, I couldn’t eat more than half of mine.

This…this is a masterful creation, but humans were not meant to toy with such things!

Thank you.

24Ace Says:

A knife plunged into hot water and then dried would do lots of the cutting very well, esp. if you want to try lil’ brown bat’s ambitious jelly bean project. it’ll also seal the bottom back on a little easier than a torch (which makes the choclate yucky and burnt if you’re not careful) but then again knives, even when hot, aren’t quite as fun as dremel tools. use your discretion!

25Zuzuanni Says:

Call it “Avian Flu Surprise”.

26Wordman Says:

To lil’ brown bat: you might consider jellybeans to fill the “dead air” in the bunny into which Peeps cannot reach, sort of like a layer of stuffing. I personally think that jelly beans would wreck the delicate boquet of the Easter turducken, but you gotta please your own tongue.

27Me Says:

two words
mini marshmallows!

28Jay Conner Says:

This would make an excellent dessert to follow the Trolmonibut we plan to have! (That’s a trout inside a salmon inside a halibut.)

29crism Says:

It needs microwaved, just a little bit, to cook all the ingredients together.

30Justin Says:

I honestly cannot stop laughing at this. My girlfriend keeps asking what my problem is.

May I suggest deep frying the Easter turducken?

31Ornith Says:

Might I suggest the name “Easterducken”? Thus avoiding the “turd” problem.

32Emily Says:

Oh, I’m just so happy I found this in time for Easter. Thanks!

33hgLucky Says:

Bunpeepen -yumm!

34RosemarieK Says:

How Deliciously demented. The perfect parallel to turducken.

35PeninaD Says:

Oh Cummon, don’t you have to bite the head of the Peeps off first?
According to my DH, biting the heads off of Peeps, then leaving them for others to find is a fine Easter tradition….

36Chuck Baldwin Says:

I’m surprised the fingers in these photographs are not a hell of a lot chubbier.

37emily adams Says:

i love you. seriously

38Jen Says:

I thought, liking all of the ingredients we’d like it. I was too much…..

39Riding Sun Says:

With holidays like these…

While we Jews continue to slog through the week-long ordeal of deprivation known as Passover, in which no ordinary bread, cereal, cake, brownies, or even soda (corn syrup!) can be eaten, Christians are celebrating Easter with sweets galore, including (…

40Alexis Says:

A culinary masterpiece.

41pumpkinpie Says:

Finally, the platypus is not the only mammal with a duck bill that lays eggs!

42Lara Says:

That was always scarring as a child finding that your giant egg was filled with air. Since when did hens ever lay air eggs? By the way, the pagan stuff about Easter, not just a maybe but very true. The Tutonic Goddess Eoster or Eastre had a pet bird that layed eggs (as you do) which she turned into a rabbit which continued to lay eggs. And that’s the story of easter. I mean didn’t people wonder what the hell rabbits and eggs had to do with jesus being bunged on a cross? Damn church hijacking holidays and making it about love rather than good old fashioned sex.

43goddess Says:

Right on, Lara. Let’s all go back to the basics of being one with nature and embrace our pagan history!

44Davidian Says:

what a stupid douche you are.

45Justie Just Says:

Amazing. Amazing. Amazing.

46Ben Says:

Peeps are disgusting. however, mini marshmallows should serve as the stuffing where peeps can’t get for sure. However, I would modify it thusly: Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs stuffed in a slightly larger hollow chocolate egg, with a melty mixture of marshmallow and graham cracker crumbs stuffed inside a large hollow bunny. You know, the one that’s far, FAR too much to eat in a few sittings even though it’s hollow. Just a thought.

47Burplepatti Says:

Canyou say overload?

48Glen Says:

Can’t stop laughning…. must have air…. dog thinks I’ve gone nuts.

49ess Says:

Thanks for the idea. I was an easter hit with Turducken Bunnies.
You can, if you want, split the Cadbury egg and put a malt-bag egg inside befor stuffing the peep. The cadbury egg gives easily at the seam, and when you close it back up the carmel goo sticks tight.

50Tom Lake Says:

Would it be possible to use Passover Gelt(Gold foil covered chocolate coins) in some fashion so our
Jewish friends won’t feel left out as some do at Christmas? When I eat this much sugary goodness at once, I get to feeling benevolent, beneficient and Bene Geseret.

51janedoe007 Says:

Cadbury my Peep at Rabbit Hollow! First, “Liza on Larry” and now THIS. I feel truly blessed.

52moonablaze Says:

gelt is not a passover product (though it can be made kosher for passover). Gelt is a channuka tradition. a more appropriate passover addition would be matzo meal or the sweeter choice of passover sponge cake.

53Juliabohemian Says:

this reminds me of when I tried to carve a pumpkin with my dremel. Of course I ended up with pumpkin pudding…

54Z-Man Says:

I can’t believe I read the whole thing…

55ginjoint Says:

Sweet feathery Jesus. Totally Boy Scout Merit Badge-worthy!

56Danny Says:

Wow, I read all of these and I now CRAVE Turducken (The regular), I would like to try an easter Turducken but anytime I see Turducken anywhere I will need to try it even if just once the rest of my life, I can’t believe my friend sent me the link for this site at like 12:30 AM of April 17th….THE DAY AFTER EASTER!


57Fred Green Says:

So, you went to all the trouble of using a Dremel Moto-Tool to MAKE the Turducken, er, Bunnypeepegg, but used a dull kitchen knife to cut it up? WTF? You have to use an electric carving knife (much like you would probably use on a real turducken) to carefully slice the thing into lovely layered slices, like a lavash turkey rollup sandwich, or a sushi roll. Oh, those beautiful layers or yellow and brown. Whassamatta wichoo?

58Karen A Says:

This is the best Chocolate Easter Bunny bit since Bob and Ray (maybe before your time) used to do their “Melted Chocolate Easter Bunny Sale” routine on the radio.

59Darskii Says:

Avoid a trip to the ER by remembering to not lick the chocolate off of the dremel tool while it is still running.

60riggamortistoosh Says:

I would use the hotknife method, only to make things more efficently, just lay the bunny down and slice off the bottom. When it comes time to re-attach the top, re-heat the knife, rub it around the base of the bunny so taht the choclate melts a little and re-align the bottom accordingly.

If the Jews want to celebrate this great holiday, then they will also have to bend their rules to celebrate this pagan originated holiday the same as the rest of the world. It is their beliefs that they should limit thier dealings with the gentile world. If they want in, let them bend their rules, too! Now, everyone gather around the Maypole phallus and dance a happy dance! You will all be having children by Feb. next year if you’re sucessful.

61Darkling Says:

Sadly, I can no longer have sugar. At one time, I would have been the scourge of the Easter Turducken. Peeps used to release little marshmallow poop streams at just the mention of my name and abortion rights activists would rally against me for all the senseless Cadbury Egg mastication. I haven’t been subjected to a hollow bunny travesty since childhood but I could have made an exception since all that useless air would have been replaced with calories. I believe the space the peeps couldn’t fill would have to be taken care of with a mixture of marshmallow fluff, pixie stix, chocolate chips, and mini marshmallows (for texture).

I’m going to go cry now and dream of a world where I again make peeps poop, eggs die before their time, and hollow bunnies find out just what the fuck is up, doc.

62Dr. Ska Says:

I think I’m in love.

63A. Says:

I think I peed myself laughing…and nearly had an asthma attack. Thank you. I loved it.

64Breezie Says:

oh good lord and they tell me I got to much time on my hands….roflmao

65Reformed Chocoholic Says:

Oh hell, go over the top…… dip the whole thing in batter and DEEP FRY!!

66Carmen Says:

LOL! Oh my dog, I fricking love it! Your entry, that is. Not the Turducken. That monstrosity is a diabetic coma waiting to happen.

67Reformed Chocoholic Says:

I can’t claim it as original, Carmen…. I saw Nigella Lawson batter-dip and deep fry an Almond Joy-type candy bar on her show one day. Yes, as I diabetic myself, I’m sure it would kill me. But what a way to go!

68crism Says:

We’ve been calling this chobunpegg. We made a chobunpeggy on Sunday; I’m not good at reading comprehension, and so bought full-size Cadbury Creme Eggs. They can be wrapped in a pair of mashed Peeps, but to compensate for my error, we sliced open the eggs and inserted jelly beans. We tried heating the chobunpeggy to meld the Peeps, but the cheap Palmer chocolate (“The Professor” was the only hollow bunny of suitable size) had a lower melting point than the Peeps, so that was aborted. We later experimented with flambéing the Peeps, and it seems like that would work a little better. As an alternative, insert a soldering iron up the bunny’s rear after assembling.

69Demented vet student Says:

I know both the article’s author and its readers will enjoy going to peepresearch.org (if they are not already aware of it). It is even more demented than turducken. If you look at nothing else, click on the link for “medical miracle”, and be prepared to have a fresh change of pants, and alot of towels or pee pads around you. We of the medical disciplines really should not have access to many of the drugs that we have access to.

[EDIT: I changed the peep link in the main story to link to peepresearch.org instead of the official peep page, which was Flash only and, thus, evil. Thanks for the tip. – Wordman]

70Varisco Says:

I swear, if it is the last thing I do, I will leave this country some day; and when I leave this country, I will never look back. Or rather, I will never look back except on Easter.

71Tina Says:

And I thought Emeril cornered the market on Turducken!!!! This goes over and beyond. Bet he never tried this version on his TV show.

72EM Says:

How dare you bastardize my creation !!

73Bee Jaa Says:

Fantastic. Thanks for the laughs.

74Lowana Says:

Fabulous, but why profane chocolate with anything but more chocolate and perhaps a variety of nuts? One could create a small hole and fill the poor empty bunny with dark chocolate chips and nuts like filling a pinata and call it a choconuttypinaty.

75Ann Says:

We finally tried this recipe last night. A very sharp knife works great, no dremmel needed. I decided to take the recipe a step further. Although the original idea is great I felt it could become a really fun, interesting and interactive dessert. After dinner I brought out a large basket filled with everything needed to make 8 turducken. The guests armed with sharp knives began stuffing the peeps and shoving them well into the open bunny cavities. The bunnies came in two sizes and some accommodated several pregnant peeps. The entire process included a great deal of laughter and some very funny comments. When all the bunnies were stuffed we split fresh croissants and laid the bunnies gently in their buttery, flaky beds, replaced the top of each croissant and wrapped individually in foil. We then placed them in a 350 degree oven for about 10 – 12 minutes. We then took them out of the oven, opened the foil and sliced to serve. This is one of the most delicious desserts ever. There was almost no talking…all you could hear were yummy sounds as the guests devoured every morsel…you have to try this!!! Delicious!

76JamZone Says:

Hey good work…

Check out the Camel turducken over at THE JAMZONE.
Stuffed Camel

1 whole camel, medium size
1 whole lamb, large size
20 whole chickens, medium size
60 eggs
12 kilos rice
2 kilos pine nuts
2 kilos almonds
1 kilo pistachio nuts
110 gallons water
5 pounds black pepper
Salt to taste

77Turducken Says:

This is a pretty funny article. I sell Turduckens on my website and found this site via a link from another turducken website. It is kind of the same concept just applied to candy.

78Elaine Kray Says:

Nuke the Peeps
Place a marshmellow Easter Peep on a paper plate.
Microwave it and watch it morph into a giant peep.
Serve with a fork. Tastes like a toasted marshmellow – for about 30 seconds. Then, it collapses into a hard, flat blob. Fun to watch, though. It’s both entertaining and educational for the kiddies.

79Nurse Bob Says:

Loads of SUGAR FAT & Cholesterol! I love it. I think I’ll make them for my mother-in-law! Shes a diabetic who had quadruple bypass for clogged coronaries and is very overweight.
HENpecked husband

81Terri Says:

Might I be a bit bold and suggest the ultimate Easter treat: adding a few more ingredients? (leaving out the word “turd”)
Let’s call it “heaven on earth”.
Before you insert the egg into the peep follow these steps.
1.Put about 30, bite sized Jolly Ranchers (any flavor) into a baggie. Take a hammer and the baggie out to the sidewalk (wear goggles to be safe). Smash the unwrapped (of course) Jolly Ranchers until you get a fine crystal powder.
2. Go back inside and roll the peeps in honey and then roll them around in the Rancher mixture until evenly coated. If you have a jumbo sized baggie, you can put the peeps into the baggie, with the powered mixture and do that Shake and Bake thing. Once you have prepared the peeps, continue with the original recipe.
*****one mo thang
If you perfer the deep frying method, I would like to suggest using the oil “Enova” It is NOT stored as fat, like other oils.

82gte333f Says:

Thanks for the inspiration. My family is having our first real Turducken this Thanksgiving, a 2 days. I got so anxious I wanted to try to replicate something like your easter masterpiece. Unfortunately I couldn’t find most of the materials so I substituted and went for a winter snowman theme instead. I took many pictures: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jimdoeden/sets/72157603250377652/

83Greg Says:

Excellent! I’m too lazy to actually make one, but it’s still way awesome.


84Laura Says:

Oh sweet Geezus…. Somebody call Andrew Zimmeren!!!! LMAO!!!!

85Kris Says:

Oh my

86molluskscape Says:

to counter the horrific visage of the easter turducken, we served ours on a fancy platter and drizzled it with cross-hatches of chocolate sauce. delicious!

87Dmajor Says:

Nice dessert. But first, why not serve the not-yet-legendary Ewebuffapotamus. http://is.gd/8ygqYK

88Cathy Says:

Oh my god that sounds so wonderful and I agree, those hollow bunnies suck! Whoever invited those should be ashamed of themselves. But thanks for the great way to use them. Going to store now to buy the stuff to try it

89Snott971 Says:

If you don’t happen to have a torch to seal the bunny, you can place the bottom on a nonstick pan set at med-low to melt the chocolate enough. Pop it into the fridge and let it harden again. Easy.

90Diane Says:

I did what Ann said and took it a step further by cooking the easterduckin inside the croissants. It was soooo amazingly decadently chocolatey good.

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