Easter turducken

Most traditional holidays are syncretised perversions of even older traditions, which then get secularized into excuses to eat a whole bunch. Christmas falls, not coincidentally, close to the winter solstice, and borrows heavily from earlier winter festivals, featuring lots of gingerbread, candy canes, traditional hams and large family feasts. Thanksgiving, being largely a continuation of post-harvest feasts in Europe, has always been about eating. We have, of course, taken this to ridiculous extremes with turducken, a Thanksgiving dish prepared by…

…cramming a boneless chicken into a boneless duck, which is stuffed into a boneless turkey. Three kinds of stuffing are layered between the three kinds of meat and the monstrosity is cooked for a very long time. The end result, when cut, is a fantastic food rainbow that must be eaten to be believed.

Easter, which may or may not have been named after a pagan fertility goddess, falls conveniently close to the spring equinox, allowing the syncresis of rabbits, eggs and the rebirth of nature into a ritual about the slaughter and rebirth of God. Easter also now has been subverted into being about eating, though hasn’t yet been taken to the extremes of Thanksgiving turducken.

Until now.

Making Easter turducken is, fortunately, much easier than a traditional turducken, as it abandons all that pesky protein while fully embracing the empty carbohydrates and fat. While technically Easter turducken is a dessert and traditional turducken a main course, they should never be consumed in the same meal. That would be heresy.

As with traditional turducken, Easter turducken starts from the inside out. The core is formed with miniature Cadbury cream eggs:

Take an ordinary peep and make a large slit in the bottom, as deep as possible without going all the way through:

Stuff an egg into the slit, stretch the sides around it, and fold the peep’s tail down. Repeat with a few more peeps.

The outer layer finally makes good use of one of the more odious culinary travesties, the irritating hollow bunny. As a kid, nothing was more annoying that thinking you’d been given a huge block of chocolate, and it turns out to be empty. To get the egg-stuffed peep goodness into this abomination, first you must open the bottom. Anything worth doing is worth doing with power tools, so take a dremel and cut around the perimeter of the bottom:

Once the hole is made, stuff the now egg-bloated peeps into the bunny. Note that some hollow bunnies suck even more than others, and crack and fall apart really easily, so be careful. Once you’re done, put the bottom back on. The really ambitious might try re-melting the seam in the bottom closed with a crème brûlée torch.

Voilà, the loathsome hollow bunny is transformed into several thousand calories, as God intended. Many children wonder around Easter how it is that bunnies lay eggs. As a side benefit, Easter turducken illustrates clearly that this “theory” is wrong. Obviously bunnies lay chickens, which then lay the eggs. Mystery solved.

Now fully prepared, the Easter turducken can be eaten. There is probably some kind of psychological test about what part of the bunny you eat first. I always go for the neck. Since it is held together only by a cheap-ass hollow bunny, once you start eating your turducken, it will collapse rapidly. Be prepared for a mess.

Yummy. A guess at the nutrition information for a three peep turducken:

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size:
  1 Easter turducken • 98g

Amount Per Serving
Calories  456 Calories from Fat  158
% DV*
Total Fat  18g 27%
    Saturated Fat  11g 44%
    Trans Fat  0g  
Cholesterol < 15mg 4%
Sodium  74mg 4%
Total Carbohydrate  70g 24%
    Dietary Fiber  0g 0%
    Sugars  65g  
Protein  6g 11%

Enjoy your Easter turducken. And bring lots of paper towels. And maybe a bib. Let me know how your own turn out.

90 Responses to “Easter turducken”

1janedoe007 Says:

Cadbury my Peep at Rabbit Hollow! First, “Liza on Larry” and now THIS. I feel truly blessed.

2moonablaze Says:

gelt is not a passover product (though it can be made kosher for passover). Gelt is a channuka tradition. a more appropriate passover addition would be matzo meal or the sweeter choice of passover sponge cake.

3Juliabohemian Says:

this reminds me of when I tried to carve a pumpkin with my dremel. Of course I ended up with pumpkin pudding…

4Z-Man Says:

I can’t believe I read the whole thing…

5ginjoint Says:

Sweet feathery Jesus. Totally Boy Scout Merit Badge-worthy!

6Danny Says:

Wow, I read all of these and I now CRAVE Turducken (The regular), I would like to try an easter Turducken but anytime I see Turducken anywhere I will need to try it even if just once the rest of my life, I can’t believe my friend sent me the link for this site at like 12:30 AM of April 17th….THE DAY AFTER EASTER!


7Fred Green Says:

So, you went to all the trouble of using a Dremel Moto-Tool to MAKE the Turducken, er, Bunnypeepegg, but used a dull kitchen knife to cut it up? WTF? You have to use an electric carving knife (much like you would probably use on a real turducken) to carefully slice the thing into lovely layered slices, like a lavash turkey rollup sandwich, or a sushi roll. Oh, those beautiful layers or yellow and brown. Whassamatta wichoo?

8Karen A Says:

This is the best Chocolate Easter Bunny bit since Bob and Ray (maybe before your time) used to do their “Melted Chocolate Easter Bunny Sale” routine on the radio.

9Darskii Says:

Avoid a trip to the ER by remembering to not lick the chocolate off of the dremel tool while it is still running.

10riggamortistoosh Says:

I would use the hotknife method, only to make things more efficently, just lay the bunny down and slice off the bottom. When it comes time to re-attach the top, re-heat the knife, rub it around the base of the bunny so taht the choclate melts a little and re-align the bottom accordingly.

If the Jews want to celebrate this great holiday, then they will also have to bend their rules to celebrate this pagan originated holiday the same as the rest of the world. It is their beliefs that they should limit thier dealings with the gentile world. If they want in, let them bend their rules, too! Now, everyone gather around the Maypole phallus and dance a happy dance! You will all be having children by Feb. next year if you’re sucessful.

11Darkling Says:

Sadly, I can no longer have sugar. At one time, I would have been the scourge of the Easter Turducken. Peeps used to release little marshmallow poop streams at just the mention of my name and abortion rights activists would rally against me for all the senseless Cadbury Egg mastication. I haven’t been subjected to a hollow bunny travesty since childhood but I could have made an exception since all that useless air would have been replaced with calories. I believe the space the peeps couldn’t fill would have to be taken care of with a mixture of marshmallow fluff, pixie stix, chocolate chips, and mini marshmallows (for texture).

I’m going to go cry now and dream of a world where I again make peeps poop, eggs die before their time, and hollow bunnies find out just what the fuck is up, doc.

12Dr. Ska Says:

I think I’m in love.

13A. Says:

I think I peed myself laughing…and nearly had an asthma attack. Thank you. I loved it.

14Breezie Says:

oh good lord and they tell me I got to much time on my hands….roflmao

15Reformed Chocoholic Says:

Oh hell, go over the top…… dip the whole thing in batter and DEEP FRY!!

16Carmen Says:

LOL! Oh my dog, I fricking love it! Your entry, that is. Not the Turducken. That monstrosity is a diabetic coma waiting to happen.

17Reformed Chocoholic Says:

I can’t claim it as original, Carmen…. I saw Nigella Lawson batter-dip and deep fry an Almond Joy-type candy bar on her show one day. Yes, as I diabetic myself, I’m sure it would kill me. But what a way to go!

18crism Says:

We’ve been calling this chobunpegg. We made a chobunpeggy on Sunday; I’m not good at reading comprehension, and so bought full-size Cadbury Creme Eggs. They can be wrapped in a pair of mashed Peeps, but to compensate for my error, we sliced open the eggs and inserted jelly beans. We tried heating the chobunpeggy to meld the Peeps, but the cheap Palmer chocolate (“The Professor” was the only hollow bunny of suitable size) had a lower melting point than the Peeps, so that was aborted. We later experimented with flambéing the Peeps, and it seems like that would work a little better. As an alternative, insert a soldering iron up the bunny’s rear after assembling.

19Demented vet student Says:

I know both the article’s author and its readers will enjoy going to peepresearch.org (if they are not already aware of it). It is even more demented than turducken. If you look at nothing else, click on the link for “medical miracle”, and be prepared to have a fresh change of pants, and alot of towels or pee pads around you. We of the medical disciplines really should not have access to many of the drugs that we have access to.

[EDIT: I changed the peep link in the main story to link to peepresearch.org instead of the official peep page, which was Flash only and, thus, evil. Thanks for the tip. – Wordman]

20Varisco Says:

I swear, if it is the last thing I do, I will leave this country some day; and when I leave this country, I will never look back. Or rather, I will never look back except on Easter.

21Tina Says:

And I thought Emeril cornered the market on Turducken!!!! This goes over and beyond. Bet he never tried this version on his TV show.

22EM Says:

How dare you bastardize my creation !!

23Bee Jaa Says:

Fantastic. Thanks for the laughs.

24Lowana Says:

Fabulous, but why profane chocolate with anything but more chocolate and perhaps a variety of nuts? One could create a small hole and fill the poor empty bunny with dark chocolate chips and nuts like filling a pinata and call it a choconuttypinaty.

25Ann Says:

We finally tried this recipe last night. A very sharp knife works great, no dremmel needed. I decided to take the recipe a step further. Although the original idea is great I felt it could become a really fun, interesting and interactive dessert. After dinner I brought out a large basket filled with everything needed to make 8 turducken. The guests armed with sharp knives began stuffing the peeps and shoving them well into the open bunny cavities. The bunnies came in two sizes and some accommodated several pregnant peeps. The entire process included a great deal of laughter and some very funny comments. When all the bunnies were stuffed we split fresh croissants and laid the bunnies gently in their buttery, flaky beds, replaced the top of each croissant and wrapped individually in foil. We then placed them in a 350 degree oven for about 10 – 12 minutes. We then took them out of the oven, opened the foil and sliced to serve. This is one of the most delicious desserts ever. There was almost no talking…all you could hear were yummy sounds as the guests devoured every morsel…you have to try this!!! Delicious!

26JamZone Says:

Hey good work…

Check out the Camel turducken over at THE JAMZONE.
Stuffed Camel

1 whole camel, medium size
1 whole lamb, large size
20 whole chickens, medium size
60 eggs
12 kilos rice
2 kilos pine nuts
2 kilos almonds
1 kilo pistachio nuts
110 gallons water
5 pounds black pepper
Salt to taste

27Turducken Says:

This is a pretty funny article. I sell Turduckens on my website and found this site via a link from another turducken website. It is kind of the same concept just applied to candy.

28Elaine Kray Says:

Nuke the Peeps
Place a marshmellow Easter Peep on a paper plate.
Microwave it and watch it morph into a giant peep.
Serve with a fork. Tastes like a toasted marshmellow – for about 30 seconds. Then, it collapses into a hard, flat blob. Fun to watch, though. It’s both entertaining and educational for the kiddies.

29Nurse Bob Says:

Loads of SUGAR FAT & Cholesterol! I love it. I think I’ll make them for my mother-in-law! Shes a diabetic who had quadruple bypass for clogged coronaries and is very overweight.
HENpecked husband

31Terri Says:

Might I be a bit bold and suggest the ultimate Easter treat: adding a few more ingredients? (leaving out the word “turd”)
Let’s call it “heaven on earth”.
Before you insert the egg into the peep follow these steps.
1.Put about 30, bite sized Jolly Ranchers (any flavor) into a baggie. Take a hammer and the baggie out to the sidewalk (wear goggles to be safe). Smash the unwrapped (of course) Jolly Ranchers until you get a fine crystal powder.
2. Go back inside and roll the peeps in honey and then roll them around in the Rancher mixture until evenly coated. If you have a jumbo sized baggie, you can put the peeps into the baggie, with the powered mixture and do that Shake and Bake thing. Once you have prepared the peeps, continue with the original recipe.
*****one mo thang
If you perfer the deep frying method, I would like to suggest using the oil “Enova” It is NOT stored as fat, like other oils.

32gte333f Says:

Thanks for the inspiration. My family is having our first real Turducken this Thanksgiving, a 2 days. I got so anxious I wanted to try to replicate something like your easter masterpiece. Unfortunately I couldn’t find most of the materials so I substituted and went for a winter snowman theme instead. I took many pictures: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jimdoeden/sets/72157603250377652/

33Greg Says:

Excellent! I’m too lazy to actually make one, but it’s still way awesome.


34Laura Says:

Oh sweet Geezus…. Somebody call Andrew Zimmeren!!!! LMAO!!!!

35Kris Says:

Oh my

36molluskscape Says:

to counter the horrific visage of the easter turducken, we served ours on a fancy platter and drizzled it with cross-hatches of chocolate sauce. delicious!

37Dmajor Says:

Nice dessert. But first, why not serve the not-yet-legendary Ewebuffapotamus. http://is.gd/8ygqYK

38Cathy Says:

Oh my god that sounds so wonderful and I agree, those hollow bunnies suck! Whoever invited those should be ashamed of themselves. But thanks for the great way to use them. Going to store now to buy the stuff to try it

39Snott971 Says:

If you don’t happen to have a torch to seal the bunny, you can place the bottom on a nonstick pan set at med-low to melt the chocolate enough. Pop it into the fridge and let it harden again. Easy.

40Diane Says:

I did what Ann said and took it a step further by cooking the easterduckin inside the croissants. It was soooo amazingly decadently chocolatey good.

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